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Presented the Adidas Golden Boot to Dave Bamber on the pitch at Bloomfield Road. Played against the Aston Villa European Cup Winners team at the Bescot Stadium (20 years after they won the trophy but the still leathered us) Also played on Macclesfield Town's ground and the Carrington indoor pitch

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch. First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows." Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows." Third Bull: "I've only been...

Two young boys walked into a Pharmacy, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the checkout counter asked the older boy. “Son how old are you ?” “Eight” the boy replied. The man continued. “Do you know what these are used for? ”The boy replied, “Not...

EVERTON legend Jimmy Husband has died at the age of 76. A statement on their website said: "Everton Football Club is deeply saddened to learn of the passing of 1969/70 League Championship winner Jimmy Husband. "Jimmy, 76, died peacefully on Saturday following a short illness." Born in October...

Top 10 Historical uses of the 'F' word... 1 - "Scattered f___ing showers, my ass!" - Noah, 4314 BC 2 - "How the f___ did you work that out?" - Pythagoras, 126 BC... 3 - "You want THAT on the f___ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566 4 - "Where did all those f___ing Indians come from?" -...

Nobbers fans setting off early to go on Dumpdale. Butter pies already consumed e

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside? I have like 50 wooden balls already!

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Spain . While sipping his wine, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'...

Only 69. Afternoons were never the same once his show was ended. RIP

Marianne Faithfull. Also my liking for Mars bars started about the same time😉

Trump dies. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you...

More likely Pompey who Oxford were playing.

The Carpenters

They are probably fungus gnats. By the time you kill the adult flying ones (fly paper, spray or drowning) they will already have larvae growing in your compost. A layer of gravel can sometimes break the cycle.

Their guy Jones, who came on at half time and then lost the ball for our goal, apparently played 10 games for us in 2015. Got to admit, I don't remember him

Diatomaceous Earth - Pure Food Grade Spread it on the soil round the plants, cuts the buggers to shreds

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, and orders three pints of Guinness. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he came back to the bar and ordered three more. The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it...

EMPLOYEE INSULTS - “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.” “I would not allow this employee to breed.” “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.” “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”...