😁Friday joke thread 😁

A Bingo caller was calling the number out for the players and shouted 'Two Fat Ladies 88'.

The following day he was interviewed by the Police and advised he could no longer use such language as there had been a complaint made against him.

He apologised and promised he would change the rhyme.

He was calling the numbers out the following day when 88 popped out again.

So he called out 'Two Fat Ladies 88 and for all you wokes, they could be blokes.'
 
A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their order.

The man says, “I’ll have a hamburger, fries, and a coke.”
He turns to the ostrich and asks, “What about you?”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.

A few minutes later, the waitress brings the food and says,
“That’ll be $9.40.”
The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change. No counting. No wallet. Just the right amount.

The next day, the same thing happens.
Same order. Same ostrich. Same exact change.
This goes on for days.

Then one Friday night, the man says,
“Today I’ll have a steak, baked potato, and a salad.”
“Same,” says the ostrich.
The waitress brings the food. “That’ll be $32.62.”
Once again, the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount.

At this point, the waitress can’t hold back.
“Sir… how do you always have the exact amount of money? No matter what you order?”

The man smiles.
“Well, a few years ago, I found an old lamp in the attic. I rubbed it, and a Genie appeared. He gave me two wishes.
For the first one, I asked that anytime I needed to pay for something, I’d just reach into my pocket and find the exact amount.”

“Wow,” says the waitress. “That’s smart. You’ll never run out of money.”

“Exactly,” says the man. “Whether it’s a cup of coffee or a new car, I never need to check. It’s always just there.”

She looks at the ostrich and asks, “And the bird?”

The man sighs and says,
“For my second wish… I asked for a tall chick with long legs who’d follow me around and agree with everything I say.”
 
May be an image of map, suitcase and text that says Imagine you're traveling and opening your passport at the airport and boom!!!.... POCHRCTLMEILINGOL
 
Scientists have discovered that you should never clean your teeth with your left hand.

Instead a toothbrush is much better.
 
Three Nuns were talking about their experiences and the first Nun admitted she had found a lot of Porn magazines when she was tidying up the Father's room.

'So what did you do with them' said the second Nun

'I put them in the furnace and burnt them all' she said.

The second Nun went on to say she had found three packs of french letters in the same Father's room, to which the first Nun said 'so what did you do with them?'

'I pricked every single one of them with a needle she said'

The third Nun said 'Oh shit'.
 
Fella buys a talking centipede for £5000 and takes it home in a small box.
After 30 minutes, he opens the box and says, “Would you like to go for a pint?”
The centipede doesn’t answer.
He repeats the question louder - still no reply.
Now annoyed, he shouts it.
The centipede sticks his head out and says:
“I heard you the first time… I’m putting my freakin’ shoes on.”
 
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