😁Friday joke thread 😁

I don't have a wife anymore, replaced her with a good WiFi a bit ago...

Anyways, we went on a fortnight's holiday to Israel once but it was cut short, very abruptly, after a couple of wonderful days sightseeing when she suddenly collapsed and died from a heart attack.

At the morgue, the undertaker gave me two options with what I could do with her dead body...

He said it would be £500 to have her buried in a coffin in Israel or £2000 to have her cremated and I could then take her ashes home with me to Blackpool.

So I thought about it for about two seconds and decided to go for the cremation option.

The undertaker says to me "That's mighty fine young man and that will be done for you within the hour - but pray tell me, why did you take the more expensive option for £2000, when you could have buried her here for only £500?!"

NB: If you're still with me, I answered...

"Well, I heard a long time ago of someone who was buried in this same area and rose from the ground three days later. I just didn't want to take that fuckin' chance!"

Seriously though, all in the best possible taste😜COYMP!🙏🧡
 
Sister Mary Margaret asked her Year Two class what they wanted to be when they grew up...

Little Johnny said "I want to play for Blackpool Football Club in front of the Mighty Tangerine Army at Bloomfield Road and score a great goal from a direct free-kick at the Kop End like Alan Suddick (aka The King of Bloomfield Road) used to do!"🧡

Little Susie said "I want to be a neurosurgeon."'

Little Carrie said "I want to be a prostitute!"

Upon hearing such a word escape the lips of such a young girl, Sister Mary Margaret fainted and hit the floor cold.

After being revived, she again asked Little Carrie what she wanted to be when she grew up.

Little Carrie said "| want to be a prostitute!"

Sister Mary Margaret said "Oh thank heavens child, I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant!"
 
The Pope visits Liverpool and is performing miracles in front of the crowd.
Billy walks onto to the stage and asks the pope to help him with his hearing.
The Pope puts his hands onto Billy's ears for over a minute.
After he removed his hands he asked Billy if that had helped his hearing.
He said, I don't know lad, it's not til next Wednesday!!!
 
I nearly lost my job as a roofer on the very first day after I was caught masturbating.



Luckily my boss said I could wipe the slate clean.
 
When Miley Cyrus dances nearly nude and licks a hammer its called art.

My mate did exactly the same thing and got kicked out of B&Q!!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top