Funny Funerals

O

Ollygon

Well-known member
I've been to far too many funerals, and they seem to be on the increase as more and more of my contemporaries and relatives die.

Most of them are predictable and sombre affairs, but now and again one stands out. A few weeks ago a former work colleague died. He was a big fan of "Top Gun", but sadly never got to see Top Gun Maverick. However, at his funeral the music he chose was Take My Breath Away, and then Great Balls of Fire as the curtains closed in the Crematorium.

Afterwards his wife was very apologetic, but we all had a good laugh. It's how he'd have wanted it.

At another funeral a few years ago, a distant relative of mine who was a driving instructor insisted in his will that his coffin should be wheeled into the church with "L" plates on the front and back.

However, the most chaotic was the funeral for an old friend in Coventry. We drove down on the morning, and there were bloody roadworks on the M6. I had to put my foot down, and got to Canley Crematorium just as a hearse was going through the gates. I followed this to the chapel, and we stood around for a few minutes. I didn't recognise anyone there, and thought nothing more about that. But we were just going into the chapel when we saw the name of the deceased - and it wasn't my old friend.

Unbeknown to me there are TWO chapels in the grounds of Canley and I'd driven to the wrong one. I drove over to the other chapel and the coffin hadn't yet gone in. Apparently Brian, who had been in the Navy for some years had asked for a Naval Chaplain to officiate at the funeral. We waited and waited, and the crematorium staff were getting edgy as another funeral was timetabled in the next half hour but the Chaplain never turned up. Eventually, the funeral director said he'd have to take the service.

Well, he didn't know that much about the deceased, so he said a few things you'd expect, and then he said

"Thank you God for the Life of Brian"

A few of us started giggling, and we were wispering, "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy", and "What did the Romans ever do for us?"

We had a good laugh at the wake. I think Brian would have enjoyed it.
 
Ollygon said:
I've been to far too many funerals, and they seem to be on the increase as more and more of my contemporaries and relatives die.

Most of them are predictable and sombre affairs, but now and again one stands out. A few weeks ago a former work colleague died. He was a big fan of "Top Gun", but sadly never got to see Top Gun Maverick. However, at his funeral the music he chose was Take My Breath Away, and then Great Balls of Fire as the curtains closed in the Crematorium.

Afterwards his wife was very apologetic, but we all had a good laugh. It's how he'd have wanted it.

At another funeral a few years ago, a distant relative of mine who was a driving instructor insisted in his will that his coffin should be wheeled into the church with "L" plates on the front and back.

However, the most chaotic was the funeral for an old friend in Coventry. We drove down on the morning, and there were bloody roadworks on the M6. I had to put my foot down, and got to Canley Crematorium just as a hearse was going through the gates. I followed this to the chapel, and we stood around for a few minutes. I didn't recognise anyone there, and thought nothing more about that. But we were just going into the chapel when we saw the name of the deceased - and it wasn't my old friend.

Unbeknown to me there are TWO chapels in the grounds of Canley and I'd driven to the wrong one. I drove over to the other chapel and the coffin hadn't yet gone in. Apparently Brian, who had been in the Navy for some years had asked for a Naval Chaplain to officiate at the funeral. We waited and waited, and the crematorium staff were getting edgy as another funeral was timetabled in the next half hour but the Chaplain never turned up. Eventually, the funeral director said he'd have to take the service.

Well, he didn't know that much about the deceased, so he said a few things you'd expect, and then he said

"Thank you God for the Life of Brian"

A few of us started giggling, and we were wispering, "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy", and "What did the Romans ever do for us?"

We had a good laugh at the wake. I think Brian would have enjoyed it.
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Humour certainly helps in those sad moments. My dad passed 13 years ago. He didn’t like or do football in any way whatsoever. He was a horse racing and snooker fan. Imagine our surprise in the car following the coffin to the service when my best friend said “I didn’t know your Dad was an Arsenal fan”. And there it was, An Arsenal plaque leaning against the back of the coffin. We stopped the cars to speak to the driver of the first car to check we were following my Dad!! It turned out we were and all was well. It broke the ice and made us chuckle throughout the day.
 
Took my mum up to Carleton after checking with the undertakers because the son of her friend who'd died was a complete cretin. We looked around & I didn't recognise anyone at all, so I politely asked & somebody & found it wasn't the right person, I rang the undertakers & this time they said it was at Lytham FFS. We arrived as everyone was leaving & the son hadn't even organised a wake. We ended up at the café in Lowther Gardens for a brew for our troubles & the undertakers sent my mum some flowers in the way of an apology, we did wonder the source of the flowers & had a laugh.

As for awkward situations which really shouldn't have been funny at all, but it sort of tickled a few of us in a black comedic way, a few of us went to what appeared to be the worst wedding night do ever & we only went to show our faces to some work colleague out of courtesy. We had been sat with the people we went with for a while when one said it's more like a funeral than a wedding, the groom came over shortly afterwards & said the bride's dad had dropped dead that morning. Now considering we didn't actually like him much & he was to tight to insist the day was cancelled, it suddenly became one of those times when you wanted to burst out laughing, but knew it was totally inappropriate, nobody dared look at each other. We did manage to suppress any giggles & stayed as short a time as we thought appropriate & reconvened at the pub, with a sigh of relief. I don't think it seemed funny then though.
 
My late Uncle was always a witty bloke. His wife, who passed away a few years before him, was a heavy smoker. I remember him throwing a packet of fags onto her coffin as it went off for her cremation and him saying, "Here you go love, don't smoke them all at once"!!!
 
Not Funny, but memorable.
My brother, Alan, who was 19 months older than I, only ever wanted to join the Royal Navy, which he did at 15 years old.
It's a long story so I'll give the short version. Alan and wife lived in Oldham.
Alan took to 'The Drink' some years after he came out of the Navy and he eventually passed (or was it 'Pissed') away about 20 years ago.
After the funeral his wife phoned me and said that Alan was to have a 'Naval Burial and would I go to Plymouth with her.
We were living in Bedfordshire at the time so I arranged to meet her in Plymouth.
Next day we went to the Naval Dockyard and into a small church where a ceremony was held. There were about 4 other families there.
We then boarded a small boat (maybe a Cutter) and went out to Plymouth Sound.
The Vicar said a few words and then each family tipped the small base and the ashes, in a small casket, went into the sea.
Very moving.
 
Mexboroseasider said:
I’d quite like

“Wish me luck
As you wave me
Goodbye
Cheerio
Here I go
On my way”

played at my funeral.

But I’ve been told I can’t.

Hey ho.
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Don't really care what happens at my funeral as I won't be there, I'll be home in Heaven, quite frankly they can chuck my body on a compost heap for all I care

But it's OK with me if they play this


and then this during the cremation

 
Not so much funny, but most fitting -

Some of you who were regulars in the Bluey might have known Stuart Logan. He was Scottish by birth, but a big Blackpool fan, and a massive music fan, especially supporting local bands. Worked at Aerospace, and spent his money travelling nationwide and abroad (solo) to see whoever he fancied.
Anyway, turned out his family in Scotland knew of his love of local music and his time living here, so said the funeral dress code was ‘gig’ wear, wear band t shirts etc.
We had the wake in the Bluey, where we had loads of local bands playing, and Dorbs shared out the last six bottles of Stu’s red wine (Dorbs bought in a certain type that was reserved for Stu as that was all he drank) between as many of us that he could.
A really lovely night, brilliant cos his family got to see for the first time how much he was loved here.
 
I want people weeping and beyond consoling at my Funeral. I want it thoroughly miserable and depressing that the World is Bloodless
 
Bloodtangerine said:
I want people weeping and beyond consoling at my Funeral. I want it thoroughly miserable and depressing that the World is Bloodless
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You may want that but sadly you`ll never know. They`ll probably be dancing on your grave or if it`s a cremation setting you off on a bonfire with a full and spectacular firework display.
 
It would be funny if those giving eulogies, instead of what a wonderful person he/she was, they said, glad the old bastards gone, miserable, stingy sod, let’s party!
 
Wizaard said:
Someone at work had My Way played at her husbands funeral.

He'd killed himself.

The whole congregation didn't know which way to look.
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Similar, they played Bridge over Troubled Water at his funeral. As I saw his wife and family struggling to come to terms with what he had done, the words seemed so inappropriate
 
At my mother in laws cremation service at Carleton just before the final words and the end of service , my mobile went off and could I get out of my pants pocket. At the deadly silence I had to say to the congregation “she would of cracked up laughing saying stop the show” being a Mackem she had a good sense of humour !
 
My uncle (mums brother) and my dad died one day apart, and their funerals were at the same crematorium one after the other. We attended my uncles funeral first, which was a humanist service with everyone dressed in bright colours. Myself, my siblings and immediate families had to rush away from my uncles funeral, and then we all changed into traditional black in the crematorium car park, generating a significant amount of laughter as we rushed to my step mum's house to travel in the official cars to my dad's funeral. The comedy scene in the car park will live with us forever, and gives us something light hearted to remember at what was a really difficult few weeks.
 
I was surprised to see the Queens coffin descending at the end of the service in St Georges Chapel.

I apologise for this, but I couldn't get out of my head the image of Reg Dixon at the Tower Wurlitzer as he descended playing "Oh I do Like to be Beside the Seaside"

Sorry for that.
 
.and also Prince George pinching Princess Charlotte, and both of them getting into trouble with Camilla.
 
At 27, my mum’s oldest brother,Harry, was killed by drunk driver. A terrible tragedy for a very close knit family...he was the life and soul, always playing practical jokes etc.
Mum recalls, as tears flowed around the graveside a gust of wind blew her dads hat off his head and it landed on the coffin... instinctively her other brother whispered... bloody hell Harry leave it out...everyone started chuckling... a fitting send off.
 
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