Gay Prem Star

Mr_Brightside

Mr_Brightside

Well-known member
Can't believe this is in anyway an issue anymore but the fact he can't come out means it clearly is for him.

Premier League star says he is gay in an open letter... but admits only his family and friends know and that he is not 'ready' to come out publicly as he fears it will make his situation 'worse'
  • An unnamed Premier League footballer has revealed he is gay in an open letter
  • The player has opened up about the torment of keeping his sexuality secret
  • Only his family members and a select group of friends are aware of his sexuality
Extract:

An unnamed Premier League footballer has revealed that he is gay in an open letter – but is keeping his sexuality secret from his team-mates.
In the open letter, which is aimed at authorities and fans, he opens up about the daily torment he is currently facing and says he is taking the 'huge step' of revealing his sexuality.
However, the footballer added that his sport is not ready for a player to announce he is openly gay and has said he fears disclosing his identity.
In the letter, which has been seen by The Sun, the player writes: 'I am gay. Even writing that down in this letter is a big step for me.
'But only my family members and a select group of friends are aware of my sexuality. I don't feel ready to share it with my team or my manager.'


............
'How does it feel having to live like this? Day-to-day, it can be an absolute nightmare. And it is affecting my mental health more and more,' he says.
'I feel trapped and my fear is disclosing the truth about what I am will only make things worse.'

The players letter ..... [in full]

Read the player's coming out letter in full

As a kid, all I ever wanted to be was a footballer.
I wasn’t interested in doing well at school.
Instead of doing homework, every spare minute I had was spent with a ball.
In the end it paid off.
But even now I still have to pinch myself when I run out and get to play each week in front of tens of thousands of people.
However there is something that sets me apart from most of the other players in the Premier League.
I am gay.
Even writing that down in this letter is a big step for me.
But only my family members and a select group of friends are aware of my sexuality. I don’t feel ready to share it with my team or my manager.
That’s hard. I spend most of my life with these guys and when we step out on the pitch we are a team.
But still, something inside me makes it impossible for me to be open with them about how I feel.
I dearly hope one day soon I will be able to.
I’ve known since I was about 19 that I was gay. How does it feel having to live like this?
Day-to-day, it can be an absolute nightmare.
And it is affecting my mental health more and more.
I feel trapped and my fear is that disclosing the truth about what I am will only make things worse.
So, although my heart often tells me I need to do it my head always says the same thing: “Why risk it all?”
I am lucky enough to earn a very good wage. I have a nice car, a wardrobe full of designer clothes and can afford to buy anything I want for my family and friends.
But one thing I am missing is companionship.
I am at an age where I would love to be in a relationship.
But because of the job I do the level of trust in having a long-term partner has to be extremely high.
So, at the moment, I avoid relationships at all.
I dearly hope I will soon meet someone who I think I will be able to trust enough.
The truth is I just don’t think football is ready yet for a player to come out.
The game would need to make radical changes in order for me to feel able to make that step. The Professional Footballers Association say they are ready to help a player to come out.
And they have said they will offer counselling and support to anyone who needs it.
This is missing the point. If I need a counsellor I can go and book a session with one whenever I want. What those running the game need to do is educate fans, players, managers, agents, club owners — basically everyone involved in the game.
If I was to make that step I’d want to know that I would be supported at each step of my journey. Right now, I don’t feel I would be.
I wish I didn’t have to live my life in such a way.
But the reality is there is still a huge amount of prejudice in football.
There are countless times I’ve heard homophobic chants and comments from supporters directed at no one in particular.
Strangely it doesn’t really bother me during the matches. I am too focused on playing.
It’s when I get back on the plane or the coach and I have time to think that it gets to me.
As things stand my plan is to carry on playing for as long as I feel able to and then come out when I have retired.
It was great last month to see Thomas Beattie raise his hand and admit to being gay. But the fact he had to wait until retirement tells you all you need to know.
Footballers are still too scared to make the step while they are playing.For the past year I have been getting support from the Justin Fashanu Foundation, not least to cope with the toll this is all having on my mental health.
It is hard to put into words how much the Foundation has helped. It has made me feel supported and understood as well as giving me the confidence to be more open and honest with myself especially.
Without that support I really don’t know where I’d be now.
I know it might get to the point where I find it impossible to keep living a lie.
If I do my plan is to retire early and come out. I might be throwing away years of a lucrative career. But you can’t put a price on your peace of mind.
And I don’t want to live like this forever.
 
Arguably the best time to come out with no crowds watching - by the time we’re all allowed in it’d probably be forgotten about. Good luck to the lad whoever he is.
 
Downbythesea said:
Arguably the best time to come out with no crowds watching - by the time we’re all allowed in it’d probably be forgotten about. Good luck to the lad whoever he is.
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‘It’d probably be forgotten about’ is in the same drawer as ‘unicorns‘ if you’re looking for it.
 
As long as he was performing on the pitch every week not sure most people would give it a second thought. Most of us work alongside gay people in our daily lives without any drama. Shame he feels he cant come out.
 
Clearly there’s still homophobia knocking about. Is it not just best to come out and get on with it, surely the pain of hiding your true self does more damage than a few knob heads shouting Nasty words at you.
 
Scaramanga said:
Clearly there’s still homophobia knocking about. Is it not just best to come out and get on with it, surely the pain of hiding your true self does more damage than a few knob heads shouting Nasty words at you.
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I don’t think it’s necessarily people saying nasty words to gay people that makes it hard to come out, more the fear of how people close to you will treat you. That could be friends, family or people at work, particularly those that can affect your future. My lad is bi, and believe me he doesn’t give a toss what the general public think about him, but he was worried sick about friends and family.
A bit of a sad read, that open letter, I hope the fella finds some peace of mind, and gets the support he deserves from everyone around him.
 
Johnno said:
I don’t think it’s necessarily people saying nasty words to gay people that makes it hard to come out, more the fear of how people close to you will treat you. That could be friends, family or people at work, particularly those that can affect your future. My lad is bi, and believe me he doesn’t give a toss what the general public think about him, but he was worried sick about friends and family.
A bit of a sad read, that open letter, I hope the fella finds some peace of mind, and gets the support he deserves from everyone around him.
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I think as a public figure it adds another angle. You're dealing with the whole of society and the whole range of views.

Many wouldn't care. Many would have a higher opinion of him for his bravery. Many would be massively helped in dealing with their own sexualities. But unfortunately, there's a lot of hate and bitterness looking for an outlet. We'll probably be treated to some in this thread, albeit stifled and disguised as indifference.

If we're honest, there'd be a mostly positive reaction, but there would be death threats, there would be homophobic chants and you'd need a hell of a support network around you to deal with it. I hope a player feels strong enough someday soon as it would help a lot of people. But there's a reason they can't and the fault doesn't lie with them.
 
My nephew is Gay and has found he’s far happier now he’s come out. There’s too much mental pressure in hiding it. Just an opinion of course and I’m sure it’s different for each person.
 
As downbytbesea said, this is probably the best time to come forward, by the time crowds get back, others will have joined him and it will be just about the football for all but a few idiots
 
Gone are the days when anybody Gay hid in the shadows. Only to be seen in gay friendly environments.

Now though it's common place and we all have a friend that's gay.

If we saw two women kissing we get all boyishly giddy, our male macho image is preventing the male version of this being as accepted

Such a shame that this fella will feel hindered. It's not my bag, but when he comes out I couldn't care less

Good luck to the fella
 
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Justin Fashanu is not really a good example. He was charged with the sexual assault of a 17 year old and some may argue took the cowards way out.
 
I know this isn't the the biggest part of the issue - but are we taking this as read.
It could be a bored teenager's idea of a prank rather than a genuine letter from a Premier league player.
Like I say, it doesn't change the issues raised, but why is this being taken as gospel?
 
The Premier League and the club would lap it up, now more than ever - think of all the media attention and potential deals and money to be made out of it.
I think the "abuse from fans" will always be there from fans, not that I am endorsing it but the player must have been subject to this before - maybe even his sexuality. Would it really be worse because he is actually gay? Is it any worse than when we were away at Ipswich and a section of our fans sang about dead prossies (back around the time of the killings) and chanting at a home fan that he was a peado repeatedly?
Again, to reiterate, I do not endorse the abuse players get - but will him coming out change this aspect of his playing life that much? If anything, I think it would help push the anti-homophobia agenda more. If the player doesn't want that sort of attention then it is understandable - but then why write the letter, albeit anonymously?

Someone's going to come out publicly in the Premier League in the next few seasons surely.
 
Imagine your team is 2 - 1 down and that Prem payer gets on the ball.
As Suffolk says....football fans aren't known for their restraint or being respectful towards the opposition.....That's why "Kick It Out" started in 1993...and 27 years later....it's still trying to get the same fans to understand you don't make racial slurs......27 years!!!....and it's still not sunk in.

I understand why he's keeping his name a secret....It's because his work place, work mates and the thousands of 'fans' who will use the players sexuality as a weapon against him.....He wrote the letter to say there are gay players in football (many of the England women's football team are in same sex relationships) but the reaction of fans would make it hard for him to come out.
 
Last year there was for a short while an account on twitter claiming to be a professional footballer who said he was getting ready to come out. It went on for a while and caused quite a stir. But in the end it all fizzled out with claims it was a spoof. But it certainly didn't do anything to give encouragement to the gay players to do likewise.
 
I'm sure there must be quite a few gay players. Maybe the PFA could arrange for them all to come out together so no one player has to stand alone.
 
It shouldn’t be an issue and he shouldn’t have to pretend he’s somethings he’s not. Hope he finds the courage to be true to himself and is supported at the same time.
Good luck fella.
 
Lala said:
It shouldn’t be an issue and he shouldn’t have to pretend he’s somethings he’s not. Hope he finds the courage to be true to himself and is supported at the same time.
Good luck fella.
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Totally agree Lala.
This shouldn't be an issue in today's day and age.
 
Why is this even a thing?

Are we maybe more chilled about this stuff living in Blackpool as being gay hasn't ever been a thing for me since the 80s

Edit - who actually makes this a thing nowadays...
 
I find it so very said that in 2020 this is an issue. Footballers clearly don’t feel safe coming out and being themselves. That’s a terrible indictment upon the game and society. There must be literally hundreds of people having to live under constant fear, worry and stress.

Like many issues, football is tragically behind the curve...
 
What is reassuring is that this type of thread on the old AVFTT even up to a few years ago would have still contained inappropriate language and unnecessary comments, whereas this is a well balanced thread. Has AVFTT grown up with the new site or have all the bigots disappeared elsewhere.
 
So what. There will be many others in sport & as long as the men don't come out wearing makeup & a frilly dress on the pitch I don't have a problem it's 2020 FFS
 
Not sure what the need to come out is for tbh...i’m pretty sure 99.5% of us couldn’t care less about people’s colour, religion or sexual orientation.
surely a players private life should stay that way...
 
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