Old Age

Hertsseasider

Hertsseasider

Well-known member
Bit of an outpouring so hang on in there.
I lost my parents at 57 and 61. Bruges' dad died at 70 so we neither experienced old age.
Enter Bruges' mum coming on 93 and being Belgian, lives in Belgium.
All going so so until March when she had a fall and fractured her hip. Que hospital, rehabilitation and now a care home. This has bought on stage 2 Alzheimers and it ain't good.
We travel over every 2 weeks and she is fading gently. I sat there today holding her hand whilst she had a little snooze. The other residents are just like zombies, sitting there staring into space.
This has really freaked ne out to be honest.
When the time comes for ne. Give me a bottle of gin, some pills and a rerun of the Cardiff game please.
A few on here know ne and I guess this is a bit out of character but needed to be said.
Love your loved ones
Herts x
 
Hertsseasider said:
Bit of an outpouring so hang on in there.
I lost my parents at 57 and 61. Bruges' dad died at 70 so we neither experienced old age.
Enter Bruges' mum coming on 93 and being Belgian, lives in Belgium.
All going so so until March when she had a fall and fractured her hip. Que hospital, rehabilitation and now a care home. This has bought on stage 2 Alzheimers and it ain't good.
We travel over every 2 weeks and she is fading gently. I sat there today holding her hand whilst she had a little snooze. The other residents are just like zombies, sitting there staring into space.
This has really freaked ne out to be honest.
When the time comes for ne. Give me a bottle of gin, some pills and a rerun of the Cardiff game please.
A few on here know ne and I guess this is a bit out of character but needed to be said.
Love your loved ones
Herts x
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My Dad got progressively worse during lockdown, and not being able to go and see him made it all the worse.

Like @Lala said, you have to make the most of the time you have.
 
When I was very young ( which was a long time ago ) my father told me to have an ambition which was hard but realistically possible. So I said to be happily married for 50 years. Well the first marriage did not last long, but the second is going well. If I make it I will be 81 and to me that’s a good innings. I have every day got something to look forward to, it keeps me going.
Plus I have seen Blackpool in the prem, which PNE can not say Ha Ha.
 
My maternal grandparents both died aged 58 in 1956, my mother died aged 68 and father aged 71. All we’re due to lifestyle, smoking and drinking.

I drink moderately everyday day; a couple of pints, and gave up smoking in 1979. I guess that’s helped my reach 82, and in reasonably good health, but the older you get, you do metaphorically look over your shoulder and think, god, I hope I don’t end up with dementia or in a wheelchair, relying on a carer to do everything for me.

I’d love to live to the ton, but only if I’m still mentally and physically ok, other than that, just quick and dirty please.
 
I know exactly how you feel Mark. My mum died in May last year at 99, she was in a nursing home for the last 20 months of her life. She was lucky that dementia didn't oust until she was about 96 and it was gradual until it took her over completely for those last 20 months. It was heartbreaking to see her deteriorate and waste away with every day and it was so hard visiting her to the point where I dreaded going to see her.

She fought off COVID twice whilst she was in there and had such a strong will to live but in the last 12 months I just wanted her to be released from what was happening to her, like you say it really does freak you out, it's horrible.
 
hertfordseasider said:
I know exactly how you feel Mark. My mum died in May last year at 99, she was in a nursing home for the last 20 months of her life. She was lucky that dementia didn't oust until she was about 96 and it was gradual until it took her over completely for those last 20 months. It was heartbreaking to see her deteriorate and waste away with every day and it was so hard visiting her to the point where I dreaded going to see her.

She fought off COVID twice whilst she was in there and had such a strong will to live but in the last 12 months I just wanted her to be released from what was happening to her, like you say it really does freak you out, it's horrible.
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One good thing came out of it for me, just to lighten the mood.

I called in on my Dad on my way to Bloomfield Rd, telling him I was on my way to the game. He asked me which position I had been picked for.
 
Wizaard said:
One good thing came out of it for me, just to lighten the mood.

I called in on my Dad on my way to Bloomfield Rd, telling him I was on my way to the game. He asked me which position I had been picked for.
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There's always moments of light which keep you going, but I can totally sympathize with anyone going through a similar experience. It's grim and generally there's very little 'good' on offer for all involved. It's heartbreaking and (obviously) painful for the sufferer - whether the pain is mental or physical - and the strain on families is also huge and builds over time as you're effectively grieving a living person. I know it can really impact siblings when one feels they're doing more than the others for example.

Coping is a very individual thing. How we cope is probably different from one person to the next. All I know is, that as long as your coping mechanism isn't hurting anyone else, then do whatever you need to.
 
I am now older than either my Mum, Dad, Sister & Brother when they passed on.
Must be because I was the baby of the family. (Smiley)
Yesterday we got back from a 12 day holiday in Prague, Budapest & Vienna.
All by coach (apart from over the Channel of course).
Quite gruelling really but we enjoyed it.
Apparently we did over 2000 miles.
 
straightatthewall said:
There's always moments of light which keep you going, but I can totally sympathize with anyone going through a similar experience. It's grim and generally there's very little 'good' on offer for all involved. It's heartbreaking and (obviously) painful for the sufferer - whether the pain is mental or physical - and the strain on families is also huge and builds over time as you're effectively grieving a living person. I know it can really impact siblings when one feels they're doing more than the others for example.

Coping is a very individual thing. How we cope is probably different from one person to the next. All I know is, that as long as your coping mechanism isn't hurting anyone else, then do whatever you need to.
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Good point about siblings. Bruges has two sisters but she is the only one fluent in flemish so all the admin, conversations etc go through her which is a real strain.
Regarding coping, the good thing about regularly coming over to Belgium is BEER ! I reckon in know every bar in the city of Bruges 🍻🍻
 
I think about my dad often & especially when I pass St Stephen’s Ave on the prom Bispham area on my way to or from work. He spent his last months in there & it certainly wasn’t a place to uplift you. I would sit with him in his bedroom, conversation was extremely limited although I tried. He still recognised me right through to his death, which wasn’t due to dementia. I went out for a few beers the night he died & my wife seemed surprised I wanted to. But the grieving had been done prior to this & I think I felt a sense of relief for everyone him included.
 
Davepick said:
I am now older than either my Mum, Dad, Sister & Brother when they passed on.
Must be because I was the baby of the family. (Smiley)
Yesterday we got back from a 12 day holiday in Prague, Budapest & Vienna.
All by coach (apart from over the Channel of course).
Quite gruelling really but we enjoyed it.
Apparently we did over 2000 miles.
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3 lovely cities those Dave. Lots of similarities but also plenty of difference too. Hopefully you've got plenty more trips in you.
 
hertfordseasider said:
I know exactly how you feel Mark. My mum died in May last year at 99, she was in a nursing home for the last 20 months of her life. She was lucky that dementia didn't oust until she was about 96 and it was gradual until it took her over completely for those last 20 months. It was heartbreaking to see her deteriorate and waste away with every day and it was so hard visiting her to the point where I dreaded going to see her.

She fought off COVID twice whilst she was in there and had such a strong will to live but in the last 12 months I just wanted her to be released from what was happening to her, like you say it really does freak you out, it's horrible.
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Left wing obviously. Flicking V's at Jaffa, JJ, Phil and Bendit. The crackpot coalition.
 
Insider said:
We, my family, had to move my sister into a nursing home yesterday very much against her will. She has Alzheimers and has lost all her short term memory. It's very sad but she needs to be in a safer environment than her own flat.
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Really tough position that. My mother-in-law got moved into a home about 18 months ago. It was the right thing to do for her safety and for her care needs, but it was really tough on Mrs SATW when she'd visit and her mum would be crying and asking 'when can I go home?' etc.
 
I lost my Mum in January, she spent the last 12 months in a nursing home with Dementia. I think being on her own in a room with just carers popping in and out accelerates it. The last 6 months she was bed bound. I used to visit every night and you just never knew what you were going to find. Every sympathy with anybody going through this with elderly parents , it's so stressful.
Now the pressures gone for me but I still find myself walking past the home a few times a week wishing she was still there. It's hard to let go and I miss her.
 
The first time I visited my Dad in his care home, it was lunchtime and he was worried he had no cash to pay in the 'cafe' we were meeting in.

I told him he was on an all inclusive deal.

It's very mentally draining for the family, and very confusing for the person.
 
Wizaard said:
The first time I visited my Dad in his care home, it was lunchtime and he was worried he had no cash to pay in the 'cafe' we were meeting in.

I told him he was on an all inclusive deal.

It's very mentally draining for the family, and very confusing for the person.
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Exactly the same with my Mum. She thought she had to pay for things. Not every day but it was a recurring thing.
 
Update.
We got back from Belgium last night to get a call that Bruges' mum has fallen again and broke her other hip and is back in hospital.
Bruges going back out tomorrow, I've opened some more wine.
Sympathy to all involved in similar situations
 
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We went through it with my MiL. A no nonsense but gentle lady, dementia made her violent, which meant a neuro care home where they could cope. FiL went every day till COVID, even visiting was horrendous because of the other patients, my wife has a host of stories that others did whilst they were there, total respect to this staff who just took it all in their stride. She didn't know anyone, except her husband, ironic because when she was at home, she reported that a strange man was living in her house and taking her money, the same husband .

Just push me down the stairs if I get like that!
 
Hertsseasider said:
Bit of an outpouring so hang on in there.
I lost my parents at 57 and 61. Bruges' dad died at 70 so we neither experienced old age.
Enter Bruges' mum coming on 93 and being Belgian, lives in Belgium.
All going so so until March when she had a fall and fractured her hip. Que hospital, rehabilitation and now a care home. This has bought on stage 2 Alzheimers and it ain't good.
We travel over every 2 weeks and she is fading gently. I sat there today holding her hand whilst she had a little snooze. The other residents are just like zombies, sitting there staring into space.
This has really freaked ne out to be honest.
When the time comes for ne. Give me a bottle of gin, some pills and a rerun of the Cardiff game please.
A few on here know ne and I guess this is a bit out of character but needed to be said.
Love your loved ones
Herts x
Click to expand...

Lost my dad in February after him being bedbound for almost 5 years. The last 2 years he was in a care home and just skin and bone with zero quality of life. It was a relief when he finally passed and he didn't have to suffer anymore.

End of life is something we don't discuss enough. And I too would hate to go the way you describe above. It's pitiful to see someone that was once a bright force of nature disintegrate into a helpless mess.
 
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