GJJW
Well-known member
Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said, "You'd better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do; he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off."
But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, "Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered."
So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off."
So she pulled out the shotgun and said, "Don't worry boys. Got it covered!"
As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said, "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off."
So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said...
"NO! You're going to eat me like the book says."
A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.
"You can't wear white.", reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."
"Of course I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride. "Impossible", says the sales clerk.
"Unfortunately not", the bride explained. "My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector.... God I miss him"
Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Pete says "Dave what are you so happy for?"
"Well Pete, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Pete. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!'
She couldn't swim!!."
The next day Pete walks into the bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the counter with a bigger smile on his face. Pete says "What are you so happy about today Dave?"
"Well Pete... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... tits out to here. She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!'
She couldn't swim!!
A couple of days pass and Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave crying over a beer. Pete says "Dave, why are you so sad?"
"Well Pete, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?"
"Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her, WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. Then, she pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Pete !!! She had a great BIG dick!!! .....
....Pete, ..... I CAN'T SWIM!!!"
Carlos calls his boss in the morning:
"Ey, boss I no come work today I really sick. I got headache,
stomach ache, my legs hurt, I no work today."
The boss says:
"You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go
to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel
better and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Carlos calls:
"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And
by the way, you got nice house."
A couple are going to a Halloween party and the girls comes down the stairs wearing nothing but boots; so the guy says "What are you suppose to be?!" and the girl replies,
"Puss in boots" so the guy goes into the kitchen puts a potato on his penis and comes back out.
"What are you suppose to be?" the girl asks. "If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator!"
Two old men were sitting in a bar, discussing their wives.
The first said, "Last night, I did my wife doggy style - it was great!"
"Doggy style?" said the other guy, why, I do it doggy style every night of the week!!
"Wow!!" said the first guy.
"Yep" he replied
"I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead!!"
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied,"Oh, it's easy, dear.
I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."
But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said, "Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered."
So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do if he catches you. He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off."
So she pulled out the shotgun and said, "Don't worry boys. Got it covered!"
As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said, "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and shag your little red socks off."
So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said...
"NO! You're going to eat me like the book says."
A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.
"You can't wear white.", reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."
"Of course I can, I'm a virgin!", says the bride. "Impossible", says the sales clerk.
"Unfortunately not", the bride explained. "My first husband was a psychologist. All he wanted to do was talk about it. My second husband was a gynecologist. All he wanted to do was look at it. My third husband was a stamp collector.... God I miss him"
Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the bar counter with a great big smile on his face. Pete says "Dave what are you so happy for?"
"Well Pete, I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me... tits out to here. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?" "I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I took her way out, Pete. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!'
She couldn't swim!!."
The next day Pete walks into the bar and sees Dave sitting at the end of the counter with a bigger smile on his face. Pete says "What are you so happy about today Dave?"
"Well Pete... I gotta tell ya... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat and a BEAUTIFUL blond came up to me... tits out to here. She said 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' "Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her way out. Way out much further than the last one. I turned off the key and I said 'Its either screw or swim!'
She couldn't swim!!
A couple of days pass and Pete walks into a bar and sees Dave crying over a beer. Pete says "Dave, why are you so sad?"
"Well Pete, I gotta tell ya.... Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and the most desirable brunette came up to me... tits WAY out to here. She says "Can I have a ride in your boat?"
"Sure you can have a ride in my boat." So I took her, WAY out... much further than the last two. I turned off the key, and looked at her tits and said 'Its either screw or swim!!'. Then, she pulled down her pants.... she had a dick, Pete !!! She had a great BIG dick!!! .....
....Pete, ..... I CAN'T SWIM!!!"
Carlos calls his boss in the morning:
"Ey, boss I no come work today I really sick. I got headache,
stomach ache, my legs hurt, I no work today."
The boss says:
"You know Carlos I really need you today. When I feel like this I go
to my wife and tell her to give me a blowjob. That makes me feel
better and I can go to work. You should try that."
2 hours later Carlos calls:
"Boss, I do what you say and I feel great, I'll be at work soon. And
by the way, you got nice house."
A couple are going to a Halloween party and the girls comes down the stairs wearing nothing but boots; so the guy says "What are you suppose to be?!" and the girl replies,
"Puss in boots" so the guy goes into the kitchen puts a potato on his penis and comes back out.
"What are you suppose to be?" the girl asks. "If you can be puss in boots, then I can be a dictator!"
Two old men were sitting in a bar, discussing their wives.
The first said, "Last night, I did my wife doggy style - it was great!"
"Doggy style?" said the other guy, why, I do it doggy style every night of the week!!
"Wow!!" said the first guy.
"Yep" he replied
"I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead!!"
Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to know.
One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them.
The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes.
When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied,"Oh, it's easy, dear.
I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."