A Good Friday jokes thread

[Wizzerboy]

Fireman enters a flaming bedroom and says to the woman,
"You're the third pregnant woman I've saved this week"
"But I'm not pregnant "says the woman.
"You're not saved yet!!" says the fireman

Husband says to his wife, "when you die I'm getting you a headstone that says, here's my wife cold as ever!!"
Wife replies, "Yours will read, here's my husband, stiff at last"

 

[Wizzerboy]

Sorry, didn't realise good Friday was on Wednesday!!

 

[April13th1970]

Husband says to his wife, "when you die I'm getting you a headstone that says, here's my wife cold as ever!!"
Wife replies, "Yours will read, here's my husband, stiff at last"

A Yorkshiremans' wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look. When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - ruddy 'ell man, you've left the fooking "e" out, you've left the ruddy "e" out. The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "there you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "e she were thin".

 

[April13th1970]

I reckon MPs have it easier than comedians. As any comic will tell you, people invariably come up to them and say "Hey, you're a comedian. Tell us a joke." But they never go up to an MP and say "Hey, you're an MP, Tell us a lie!"