Advice needed please

Long-shanks

Long-shanks

Well-known member
Evening all, I run a couple of junior football teams and one of my U14s players dad has terminal brain cancer - hes got days left. His mum is an alcoholic / drug user. Mum and dad are separated but before his decline the dad was the main carer. The lad is back with mum and is going hungry, missing school, not to mention the emotional upheaval he must be going through. No other obvious family have been visible / at matches etc since the lad started in the team back when they were U6s.

Its heartbreaking, the lad is such a brilliant character, smart, funny.... do I contact social services? If so who do I contact. Am I just sticking my nose into there lives? I live in west Lancashire.

Many thanks for reading and any advice is gratefully received.
 
Long-shanks said:
Evening all, I run a couple of junior football teams and one of my U14s players dad has terminal brain cancer - hes got days left. His mum is an alcoholic / drug user. Mum and dad are separated but before his decline the dad was the main carer. The lad is back with mum and is going hungry, missing school, not to mention the emotional upheaval he must be going through. No other obvious family have been visible / at matches etc since the lad started in the team back when they were U6s.

Its heartbreaking, the lad is such a brilliant character, smart, funny.... do I contact social services? If so who do I contact. Am I just sticking my nose into there lives? I live in west Lancashire.

Many thanks for reading and any advice is gratefully received.
Click to expand...
Does your club have a child welfare officer ? They need to be made aware and will know correct steps thru their training. Otherwise the League or Lancs FA should be able to advise via their own child welfare experts. Not an easy situation to be in so good luck hope you find the right path thru it, esp for the lad involved.
 
That’s a terribly sad situation. You’d definitely be doing the right thing by becoming involved, to make sure he receives the support he’s going to need. You sound very kindhearted and I think deep down you probably know it’s the right thing to do, otherwise you wouldn’t be contemplating it.

There’s a safeguarding app you can download on the government website which will provide advice. It can be anonymous if you wish.
 
Long-shanks said:
Evening all, I run a couple of junior football teams and one of my U14s players dad has terminal brain cancer - hes got days left. His mum is an alcoholic / drug user. Mum and dad are separated but before his decline the dad was the main carer. The lad is back with mum and is going hungry, missing school, not to mention the emotional upheaval he must be going through. No other obvious family have been visible / at matches etc since the lad started in the team back when they were U6s.

Its heartbreaking, the lad is such a brilliant character, smart, funny.... do I contact social services? If so who do I contact. Am I just sticking my nose into there lives? I live in west Lancashire.

Many thanks for reading and any advice is gratefully received.
Click to expand...
You contact Social Services at your first opportunity.
 
Thanks all.

I've raised it with the Club welfare officer this evening. Hes been ace and is going to speak with the Lancs FA tomorrow with a contact hes got. He said they may contact social services themselves or it may even be a police issue.

Bit more info that I've gathered but thought it to much to give in the opening thread is that Mum has asked distant family members for cash for taxis to get the lad to hospital to see his dad but she then spent the dosh on booze n drugs.

School have suspended the lad as hes been 'playing truant'. School are not aware dad is dying as mum doesnt communicate with them and the lads not been at school. All school letters are ignored.
 
Long-shanks said:
Thanks all.

I've raised it with the Club welfare officer this evening. Hes been ace and is going to speak with the Lancs FA tomorrow with a contact hes got. He said they may contact social services themselves or it may even be a police issue.

Bit more info that I've gathered but thought it to much to give in the opening thread is that Mum has asked distant family members for cash for taxis to get the lad to hospital to see his dad but she then spent the dosh on booze n drugs.

School have suspended the lad as hes been 'playing truant'. School are not aware dad is dying as mum doesnt communicate with them and the lads not been at school. All school letters are ignored.
Click to expand...
I ran teams for years and I am afraid these stories are all too common. Take some comfort in the fact that you probably provide the only real happiness in his life thru footy and give him an escape from his troubles. Don’t underestimate what that means to him and how grateful he will be in years to come. Stay strong.
 
Long-shanks said:
Evening all, I run a couple of junior football teams and one of my U14s players dad has terminal brain cancer - hes got days left. His mum is an alcoholic / drug user. Mum and dad are separated but before his decline the dad was the main carer. The lad is back with mum and is going hungry, missing school, not to mention the emotional upheaval he must be going through. No other obvious family have been visible / at matches etc since the lad started in the team back when they were U6s.

Its heartbreaking, the lad is such a brilliant character, smart, funny.... do I contact social services? If so who do I contact. Am I just sticking my nose into there lives? I live in west Lancashire.

Many thanks for reading and any advice is gratefully received.
Click to expand...
My Mrs is a social worker but also a safeguarding officer for Fylde Coast Soccer. It's a social services issue mate. If you need any further info pal then I'll ask the wife. All the best pal.
 
GJJW said:
My Mrs is a social worker but also a safeguarding officer for Fylde Coast Soccer. It's a social services issue mate. If you need any further info pal then I'll ask the wife. All the best pal.
Click to expand...
Appreciate the message thank you. Hopefully things become clearer in the next day or so but I'll be sure to make contact if need be.
 
Long-shanks said:
Thanks all.

I've raised it with the Club welfare officer this evening. Hes been ace and is going to speak with the Lancs FA tomorrow with a contact hes got. He said they may contact social services themselves or it may even be a police issue.

Bit more info that I've gathered but thought it to much to give in the opening thread is that Mum has asked distant family members for cash for taxis to get the lad to hospital to see his dad but she then spent the dosh on booze n drugs.

School have suspended the lad as hes been 'playing truant'. School are not aware dad is dying as mum doesnt communicate with them and the lads not been at school. All school letters are ignored.
Click to expand...
Thank god there are people in the world like you who run these teams for free in their spare time and can identify young lads who are struggling at home and can take the appropriate action before it’s too late .
 
Northstandsinger said:
100 percent you do, you could end up being the person to save this kids life.
Click to expand...

I was just about to say just this.

@Long-shanks reporting it is absolutely the right thing to do. I'm hoping the boy gets the help he needs and deserves. Once the wheels are set in motion with social services they will get school on board straight away and a whole support network should start to help the poor lad.

Every credit for not just looking the other way and actually doing something pal 👏👏👏
 
Long-shanks said:
Also asked a couple of friends what they would do last night. They said similar to your comments above. Think I knew what to do but just needed a sanity check to make sure it wasnt me overreacting.

Again - appreciate all your comments and advice people
Click to expand...
All the best pal. Not an easy situation but fair play for looking out for the lad.
 
I'm surprised his school aren't aware of this - he should at the very least have a TAF (Team around the family) where professionals are aware of the family's needs.
As has been said, you have real concerns, contact social services and explain. You're not telling tales, and you may just help this young lad not end up on a destructive path.
 
Long-shanks said:
Thanks all.

I've raised it with the Club welfare officer this evening. Hes been ace and is going to speak with the Lancs FA tomorrow with a contact hes got. He said they may contact social services themselves or it may even be a police issue.

Bit more info that I've gathered but thought it to much to give in the opening thread is that Mum has asked distant family members for cash for taxis to get the lad to hospital to see his dad but she then spent the dosh on booze n drugs.

School have suspended the lad as hes been 'playing truant'. School are not aware dad is dying as mum doesnt communicate with them and the lads not been at school. All school letters are ignored.
Click to expand...
That in itself should raise safeguarding concerns for the school. Poor attendance, no communication with home, and I'm sure they'll have some awareness of the parental issues.
 
In time Blackpool Homestart may be able to help. Very experienced in supporting families who are struggling. We work with them on the BST mascot programme. Social services definitely first stop though. Poor little lad.
 
It's definitely right to flag it up, as you have now done. The lad faces a critical period in his life, losing his one useful parent. The good thing is that his dad has one a great job this far and the lad has developed a good personality and values by the sound of it. But he needs support big time now, and you can help by keeping tabs on him, getting him to football every week, maintaining some continuity and positive social bonds in his life. It doesn't sound like his mum is a suitable carer, that's a job for social services to assess. As an rx teacher I'm a bit perturbed that his school has suspended him, if that's exactly what has happened. Hopefully they are working through correct procedures. There's only so much you can do. All the best.
 
I can relate to this unfortunately and probably explains my lack of positivity at the moment. It’s even harder when it’s a family member so your loyalties are severely tested. I would just say that it will always end up with Social Services so you might as well speed up the process rather than prolong the pain for all concerned. Kids have to come first. Social Services can be very unhelpful (probably stretched) but at least you will have done your part.
 
It’s a tough one but report as you have done is all you can do, many moons ago argued with my then wife about reporting concerns over two kids at school, I went ahead and did it and it turned out mum was europes Most wanted paedophile, ended up getting about 11 years I think.
 
A_Tense_Grin said:
I can relate to this unfortunately and probably explains my lack of positivity at the moment. It’s even harder when it’s a family member so your loyalties are severely tested. I would just say that it will always end up with Social Services so you might as well speed up the process rather than prolong the pain for all concerned. Kids have to come first. Social Services can be very unhelpful (probably stretched) but at least you will have done your part.
Click to expand...
If you're going through a tough time pal, you can always talk about it. Talk football, crap, whatever you like if it helps. I'm only a PM away. We may not see eye to eye on the footy but if you're a Seasider, there are loads who will help. Take care.
 
Update. Just heard the lads dad passed away last night.

I contacted the school and child social services last week - they couldnt advise what the next steps are but presuming I've added another bit of the jigsaw for them to the lads turbulent young life.

The sort of good news is that the hospice that dad was in before being back in hospital can step back in and offer counselling to the lad.
 
Long-shanks said:
Update. Just heard the lads dad passed away last night.

I contacted the school and child social services last week - they couldnt advise what the next steps are but presuming I've added another bit of the jigsaw for them to the lads turbulent young life.

The sort of good news is that the hospice that dad was in before being back in hospital can step back in and offer counselling to the lad.
Click to expand...
Sad news. You have done what you can, l ts hope the professionals step up to the mark quickly and support the lad in these dreadful times for him.

Life sucks sometimes
 
I'd missed this originally.

What a desperately sad story.

First off Long Shanks; well done for both caring and doing something about it. It's easy to care; not so easy to report it.

As another poster has said, there's a surprisingly high number of children in similar situations.

I hope social services can find the boy somewhere safe to live - that isn't easy as he's older and his mum has some pretty strong parental rights. I hate to say it, she will be looking at what money is in it for her.

The best case scenario is a family member who isn't in the same place as his mum after that, it's going to be foster care with a bit of luck.

Poor kid.
 
Well done to you for doing all you can to help this little boy. Heartbreaking to hear his father has passed away. How old is the little boy ? I’m more than willing to buy a Xmas present for him as it seems he’s not got any family support around him
If this is some thing you wanna do then I will buy a gift for him and drop it off for you to pass onto him just before xmas ?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top