clappers
Well-known member
Oyez! Oyez!
A statement from the office of His Majesty Simon Sadler to the plebs reads as follows:
We recognise that Mad Mick is not every Blackpool fan’s first choice as the next Head Coach. I think that it’s common knowledge that some of us at the club keep an eye on social media and I must confess to being disappointed at the extent of some of the negativity towards me for the Appleton debacle and what I’ve read with regards to Mick’s appointment. My fetish for all things 80’s will be well satisfied by Mick’s tactics and gameplay. The retro shirts will complement this…get yours now from the club shop!
Given what this club went through before I bought it, I’m confounded that some fans go as far to claim that they would consider ripping up or not buying season tickets for league one if Appleton stayed. I don’t like being pushed around and I expect fans to fall into line when Phil tells them how it is on AVFTT. Unfortunately Ben Mansford has told me he isn’t prepared to do any more scintillating media appearances unless we did the decent thing and pay his mate off now with a load of wonga so they can go on a lads holiday to Marbs with Gaz Madine next month. With regret I had no choice but to P45 Skeletor as the fixture list would have made the trip impossible otherwise. I hope you are happy now with our choice of Mad Mick instead….careful what you wish for everyone. Whilst I cannot guarantee outcomes, it is my responsibility as custodian of this great club of ours to ensure that any decisions are made for the right reasons for both the club’s present and its future. I will not shirk that responsibility even if said decisions are not universally popular. We all want attractive attacking football but we have to recognise that at this point in time a bit of pin money for an old codger can go a long way to sneaking survival in this division after we’ve avoided spending any more money in this transfer window.
My commitment to this club and our town is not contingent, it is unwavering and uncommunicative. When I bought the club I said that I hoped that we’d get promoted within three years and we did it in two and I’ll be dining out on that forever. I said that I’d address the East Stand and the training ground and plans are underway for both, with funding, that I will provide, likely being in the range of £30-£40million. I love big dreams don’t you? But I also love the new pitches and portacabins at Squires Gate. Really, I just want fans to pay £30 and for season ticket holders to stop moaning that they can’t buy a ticket for a friend at a discounted price and shut the phook up and let us get on with our hedging business.
Earlier in the year, I told John, Ben, Critch and Appleton that this year’s playing budget will likely be higher than last year’s and that has not changed, we just didn’t want to actually spend any of it. If the right business can be done like bringing in a player, paying one appearance fee and then selling him four months later that’s just enough to look like we are doing something whilst players with actual ability can be sourced and given the “run around” to conjure an illusion of ambition before the deal inevitably falls through and then goes nicely back into the vaults to safeguard the future of this glorious club. As we approach my fifth season as owner, my ongoing aim remains to say as little as possible, spend as little as possible, grow the playing budget year-on-year by selling players and loaning in children from the fancy Dan clubs, and hoping for the best as has happened every season since I bought the club. Oh and sign Grant Ward up again for the sheer hell of it. I’m not going to walk away from any of my commitments to Blackpool Football Club just because I’ve upset Phil by sacking Appleton and bringing in an even bigger managerial dinosaur. My priority is keeping Raggazino happy and off the airwaves.
It came as a great surprise to the board and me when a couple of weeks ago Appleton managed to win a game, as I was already plotting to bring in a dour Yorkshireman. Appleton said that an opportunity had presented itself that he was keen to take which involved being a full time human tailors dummy for the worlds strongest man competition. The chance to be out of work again and do even less than he was doing now, he felt that he could not pass up as long as he got another bumper pay off. It’s that simple, there are no other reasons, that’s why he left.
"I’ll miss Appleton. The zero emotion that he showed and the non-connection that he had with the fans, the players and the club was heartfelt and real. He absolutely ** hated us all. Some matches when the atmosphere at Bloomfield Road was flatter than Kevin Stewart’s appearance stats this season, I’d watch him and I’d see his eyes drift away from the match looking confused and stare at the crowd like he had sudden onset of amnesia and didn’t know where he was…very much a man after my own heart. I often forget why I bothered buying BFC.
He’d often talk to me of the gratitude that he felt toward the fans, the club and the board that he could do so little and be so offensive yet still get paid as he gave his all to improve his “guns” for free at the club gym and leaving everything else to his staff.He and I have spoken recently and have both agreed that his appointment was all Mansford’s fault (like everything always is) but we all know that he leaves us in much better shape than when he last left us as he’s getting a payoff this time but with relegation looming, it was the board’s decision to wrap things up swiftly with Appleton so that we could begin the search for our next head coach. Within a couple of days, Ben Mansford presented a list of names which, with input from Brett and I, was whittled down to a shorter list that we could afford being another unknown coach at a big club and yet another dour footballing dinosaur. Ian Evatt rang again and we just insulted his ability and laughed him away as usual.
The Candidates were asked into the boardroom having done a task selling foul tasting Bao Buns to punters in the concourse for maximum profit, as an alternative to the current pies that taste of wallpaper paste, and I told them that one of them will be fired from the process. Erik Ten Hag gave us an update on Dutch swear words ending in off and Mad Mick and Stephen Dobbie were then shortlisted to play off in a game of tic tac toe. We sifted through all of the notes and the data and Mad Mick (playing the “X”s) used all his experience to triumph over the novice Dobbie. All of the prospective head coaches were just glad to have someone to talk to and we spent several hours with each to get to know them better as we love to make it look like we know what we are doing. After debating their individual pros and cons, we were unanimous in our decision to appoint Mad Mick, trusting the process. You’re Hired!
A statement from the office of His Majesty Simon Sadler to the plebs reads as follows:
We recognise that Mad Mick is not every Blackpool fan’s first choice as the next Head Coach. I think that it’s common knowledge that some of us at the club keep an eye on social media and I must confess to being disappointed at the extent of some of the negativity towards me for the Appleton debacle and what I’ve read with regards to Mick’s appointment. My fetish for all things 80’s will be well satisfied by Mick’s tactics and gameplay. The retro shirts will complement this…get yours now from the club shop!
Given what this club went through before I bought it, I’m confounded that some fans go as far to claim that they would consider ripping up or not buying season tickets for league one if Appleton stayed. I don’t like being pushed around and I expect fans to fall into line when Phil tells them how it is on AVFTT. Unfortunately Ben Mansford has told me he isn’t prepared to do any more scintillating media appearances unless we did the decent thing and pay his mate off now with a load of wonga so they can go on a lads holiday to Marbs with Gaz Madine next month. With regret I had no choice but to P45 Skeletor as the fixture list would have made the trip impossible otherwise. I hope you are happy now with our choice of Mad Mick instead….careful what you wish for everyone. Whilst I cannot guarantee outcomes, it is my responsibility as custodian of this great club of ours to ensure that any decisions are made for the right reasons for both the club’s present and its future. I will not shirk that responsibility even if said decisions are not universally popular. We all want attractive attacking football but we have to recognise that at this point in time a bit of pin money for an old codger can go a long way to sneaking survival in this division after we’ve avoided spending any more money in this transfer window.
My commitment to this club and our town is not contingent, it is unwavering and uncommunicative. When I bought the club I said that I hoped that we’d get promoted within three years and we did it in two and I’ll be dining out on that forever. I said that I’d address the East Stand and the training ground and plans are underway for both, with funding, that I will provide, likely being in the range of £30-£40million. I love big dreams don’t you? But I also love the new pitches and portacabins at Squires Gate. Really, I just want fans to pay £30 and for season ticket holders to stop moaning that they can’t buy a ticket for a friend at a discounted price and shut the phook up and let us get on with our hedging business.
Earlier in the year, I told John, Ben, Critch and Appleton that this year’s playing budget will likely be higher than last year’s and that has not changed, we just didn’t want to actually spend any of it. If the right business can be done like bringing in a player, paying one appearance fee and then selling him four months later that’s just enough to look like we are doing something whilst players with actual ability can be sourced and given the “run around” to conjure an illusion of ambition before the deal inevitably falls through and then goes nicely back into the vaults to safeguard the future of this glorious club. As we approach my fifth season as owner, my ongoing aim remains to say as little as possible, spend as little as possible, grow the playing budget year-on-year by selling players and loaning in children from the fancy Dan clubs, and hoping for the best as has happened every season since I bought the club. Oh and sign Grant Ward up again for the sheer hell of it. I’m not going to walk away from any of my commitments to Blackpool Football Club just because I’ve upset Phil by sacking Appleton and bringing in an even bigger managerial dinosaur. My priority is keeping Raggazino happy and off the airwaves.
It came as a great surprise to the board and me when a couple of weeks ago Appleton managed to win a game, as I was already plotting to bring in a dour Yorkshireman. Appleton said that an opportunity had presented itself that he was keen to take which involved being a full time human tailors dummy for the worlds strongest man competition. The chance to be out of work again and do even less than he was doing now, he felt that he could not pass up as long as he got another bumper pay off. It’s that simple, there are no other reasons, that’s why he left.
"I’ll miss Appleton. The zero emotion that he showed and the non-connection that he had with the fans, the players and the club was heartfelt and real. He absolutely ** hated us all. Some matches when the atmosphere at Bloomfield Road was flatter than Kevin Stewart’s appearance stats this season, I’d watch him and I’d see his eyes drift away from the match looking confused and stare at the crowd like he had sudden onset of amnesia and didn’t know where he was…very much a man after my own heart. I often forget why I bothered buying BFC.
He’d often talk to me of the gratitude that he felt toward the fans, the club and the board that he could do so little and be so offensive yet still get paid as he gave his all to improve his “guns” for free at the club gym and leaving everything else to his staff.He and I have spoken recently and have both agreed that his appointment was all Mansford’s fault (like everything always is) but we all know that he leaves us in much better shape than when he last left us as he’s getting a payoff this time but with relegation looming, it was the board’s decision to wrap things up swiftly with Appleton so that we could begin the search for our next head coach. Within a couple of days, Ben Mansford presented a list of names which, with input from Brett and I, was whittled down to a shorter list that we could afford being another unknown coach at a big club and yet another dour footballing dinosaur. Ian Evatt rang again and we just insulted his ability and laughed him away as usual.
The Candidates were asked into the boardroom having done a task selling foul tasting Bao Buns to punters in the concourse for maximum profit, as an alternative to the current pies that taste of wallpaper paste, and I told them that one of them will be fired from the process. Erik Ten Hag gave us an update on Dutch swear words ending in off and Mad Mick and Stephen Dobbie were then shortlisted to play off in a game of tic tac toe. We sifted through all of the notes and the data and Mad Mick (playing the “X”s) used all his experience to triumph over the novice Dobbie. All of the prospective head coaches were just glad to have someone to talk to and we spent several hours with each to get to know them better as we love to make it look like we know what we are doing. After debating their individual pros and cons, we were unanimous in our decision to appoint Mad Mick, trusting the process. You’re Hired!
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... I wish I had the time, ability and imagination to compose such ... Bravo !
