Downes and in

[clappers]

I can't help think such momentous news should be greeted with some kind of musical fanfare. How about, to the old Status Quo hit of the Seventies, and I'll start us off:

'Downes, Downes, deeper n' Downes,
Downes, Downes, deeper n' Downes...'

Chas N Dave “Downe to Margate”

 

[Trammo]

Downes To The Doctor- Feelgood

 

[clappers]

If it goes tits up another Quo classic might fit the bill….“Downe the Dustpipe”

 

[tarantula]

Will the Tattoo police do a full body cavity search to see if he has "Sheffield Wednesday Forever" inked on his todger....?

If the worst comes to the worst and a body search is conducted and does (horror of horrors!) reveal a tatoo, with the offending (because that's what it would be: offending) 'tat', comprising the word OWLS, spelt out in stark blue and white lettering across his midriff, just below his navel, hypothetically speaking, if he's advised by the BFC hierarchy to remove it immediately, but for sentimental reasons (achieving promotion n' all that) he diplomatically refuses, as a compromise, can I suggest inserting the letter 'B' (for Blackpool, of course) before the letter 'O', thereby, hopefully, satisfying both parties? Not so sure this will meet with everyone's approval (i.e., pronounciation may become a bit of an issue - just think about that for a minute... ) but anything would be better than having to go through that shambolic pantomime we had to go through last season with Appleton. And, as a cover, Mr (as I think we should now refer to him) Downes could always claim it was from his days, way-back-when, of turning out for his local crown-green bowling team...