Friday Joke Time

Talking of Transfer Deadline Day, I see Admiral Muskwe has left Luton Town to join Exeter City.
Clearly more sensible to have him based on the coast!
 
Just got in from an anniversary meal with Mrs Wizz and expected to read of the signings of Clarke Harris and Moxon.

Nope🤷 so Blackpool's transfers have been the biggest joke of the day🤦☹️
 
Seen on Ebay with the username Malced AVFTT.

"For Sale.

Full set of Encyclopedia Britannica. New and unused.

Not needed as I already know it all"
 
Boy comes home from school and says to his dad “dad what’s the difference between theory and reality?” Dad says “son go ask your mother if she would sleep with a plumber for a million pounds.” Boy comes back “yes mother says she would sleep with a plumber for a million pounds” ok dad says go ask your sister if she too would also, boy comes back “yes my sister too says she would also sleep with a plumber for a million pounds” dad replies “there you go then son in theory we are sitting on two million pounds but in reality we’re living with a pair of slappers”
 
A penguin walks into a bar and Says to the landlord " has my brother been in here today? "
The landord says " I've no idea, what does he look like ? "
 
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times”!!!!
 
I once heard a particularly stressed colleague advise a customer that if they couldn't see our email, they should check their jam and spunk folders.
 
I was out last night having a few drinks in the boozer.

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us.

I said to my mate "That's us in 10 years!"

He replied "That's a mirror, yer silly old fart!" 😱
 
I was walking down the road and a man offered me a free sofa and chairs. I said no because me mam always taught me not to take suites from strangers🤣🤣
 
I made a huge mistake challenging Death to a pillow fight……

I wasn’t prepared for the reaper cushions.
 
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