Making friends

look.its.luke

look.its.luke

Well-known member
This thread might go down like a lead balloon, but when was the last 'new' friend you made and how/why?

It would be interesting to hear from female posters on this too, but it seems like a particularly male thing to keep lifelong connections with a few mates from school and give up on even the idea of making new friends in our adulthood.

One of our clients at work is a really nice bloke, we share similar interests, have a laugh together...and yet when he suggested meeting up for some food my first thought was...'bit gay'. 🤣

So reassure me AVFTT. Is making new friends as a grown up allowed? How is it done? What are the rules? Or do I have to stick with the 4 or 5 bellends I've known since Year 7?
 
My oldest friend isn’t with us anymore unfortunately. She was a friend from school days.
My best friend after that I met at 30, am 53 now.
And my latest new best buddy I met 5 years ago.
I have lots of other friends but these are my closest.
I don’t go looking for friends and it takes a lot to lure me in as I like my own time and space. But if I really gel with someone I will make an effort if pushed.

Have a lot of close work friends who I respect and will go for group coffee with at a push 🥹

I think you can meet your dearest friend at any age.
 
Meet up with my best mate a couple of times a year, we met when we were 12 so around 25 years ago. We’ve lived 300 miles apart since we’ve been late teens but make the effort and it’s always great to catch up.
Work with people for 24 hour stints and have made 4 or 5 really close friends through work, extremely lucky and certainly since covid have become a lot closer, again we all live miles away from each other so great when we do meet up outside of work though, almost like the perfect balance. Also enjoy playing football and cricket and again lucky that I play with a great bunch of lads
 
look.its.luke said:
This thread might go down like a lead balloon, but when was the last 'new' friend you made and how/why?

It would be interesting to hear from female posters on this too, but it seems like a particularly male thing to keep lifelong connections with a few mates from school and give up on even the idea of making new friends in our adulthood.

One of our clients at work is a really nice bloke, we share similar interests, have a laugh together...and yet when he suggested meeting up for some food my first thought was...'bit gay'. 🤣

So reassure me AVFTT. Is making new friends as a grown up allowed? How is it done? What are the rules? Or do I have to stick with the 4 or 5 bellends I've known since Year 7?
Click to expand...

What have you got to lose? Might as well go, assuming you want to?
 
I find most people have a core of friends they’ve known ‘for ever’ be that 1 or a small group that you keep in touch with.

Then there’s those newbies that come into your life through work or holidays or hobbies. It’s rare they stick and are mostly friends for a reason or a season.

I met a lad at a 50th get away week in the Lakes who was a friend of a friend. We got on really well and since then I’ve met him at Wembley for NFL and at Cheltenham for the races. Just knew he was ‘friend’ material 😁

All sounds a bit soppy as you put it Luke, but it’s nice when you connect with someone new who you get on so well with.
 
look.its.luke said:
This thread might go down like a lead balloon, but when was the last 'new' friend you made and how/why?

It would be interesting to hear from female posters on this too, but it seems like a particularly male thing to keep lifelong connections with a few mates from school and give up on even the idea of making new friends in our adulthood.

One of our clients at work is a really nice bloke, we share similar interests, have a laugh together...and yet when he suggested meeting up for some food my first thought was...'bit gay'. 🤣

So reassure me AVFTT. Is making new friends as a grown up allowed? How is it done? What are the rules? Or do I have to stick with the 4 or 5 bellends I've known since Year 7?
Click to expand...
Go for it. If he starts talking about preferred settee cushions, make a sharp exit.
 
The initial creator of friendship is proximity, but there is a big difference between men and women in friendships. In my experience, men tend to have friendships with other men connected to their activities, golf, football, drinking, music, etc, and they remain friends while they are both doing that activity. While women have a more emotional connection with their female friends and relationships last much longer, they make a real effort to keep friendships alive, and really care about the emotional state of friends. That is one of the reasons that male suicide rates are so high, when men get problems they tend not to share them with other male friends, especially as most early male friendships are based on taking the piss off each other and humor.
 
Danny Ocean said:
When men get problems they tend not to share them with other male friends, especially as most early male friendships are based on taking the piss off each other and humor.
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That's a much better expression of what i was driving at. There's probably only 3 or 4 friends I'd feel comfortable talking with about 'deep stuff'...and they're people I know from childhood.

I have 'mates' who I'll swap memes with or have banter with, but would never even think about talking to if I was vulnerable or upset. In a time of crisis I'd turn to an ex girlfriend who might hate me rather than them.

No real conclusion to that thought, I just hope it's something we can improve on.
 
Good topic. I've friends from different parts of my life but yeah my closest ones are from school and college. If I really think about it, it seems a lot of hassle to try and make new friends - it's like starting from scratch again - would you be able to fart in their presence in the first month of knowing them?
 
Most of my boyhood friends have Passed On unfortunately.
The only one that I know is still alive is in N. America and his younger sister, who I am also in contact with,
says he could easily have died recently with some sort of virus.
However, those of those who remained in Blackpool at least 3 have passed on and the 2 other main ones I know nothing about.
Made some good friends in later years, in fact one and his wife visited us yesterday. Boltonians actually, lovely people.
Mad some very good British friends in France when we lived there and we are in constant contact, some now back in
UK some in France.
 
I've got people in my life who I can reconnect with immediately I'm in their company; but I don't go looking to create the opportunities to do it - so I'm not sure that's classed as a friend.

I don't have anyone outside of my family that I'd ever talk about personal stuff with (not that I have much).

I've got people at work around the country who I get on great with when I'm there - but would I continue to meet them if it wasn't work related - probably not.

I don't consider myself lonely though.
 
When I moved to Sweden I had to make new mates or I'd have been under the Mrs' feet. Met a load of lads through organising and playing football and we play a few times per week. There's three of them I see away from playing football, one English lad, a Mongolian and a Colombian. We go and watch Hammarby in the Swedish league and go out for beers regularly. It's been easier than I thought it would be, all the expats are in the same boat and football is great for bringing people together.

In the UK there's a decent sized group who grew up together and meet regularly, everyone needs to make an effort to make things happen but I'm glad that we do. There's eight of us who support the Pool so we'll try and get together as a big group at least a couple of times a season and there's often two to four of us at games regularly.
 
Sven said:
When I moved to Sweden I had to make new mates or I'd have been under the Mrs' feet. Met a load of lads through organising and playing football and we play a few times per week. There's three of them I see away from playing football, one English lad, a Mongolian and a Colombian. We go and watch Hammarby in the Swedish league and go out for beers regularly. It's been easier than I thought it would be, all the expats are in the same boat and football is great for bringing people together.
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Sounds like (John Thompson`s) Bernard Righton, Sven.

"Three men walk into a bar; an Englishman, a Colombian and a Mongolian.....

what a perfect example of interracial integration...";)
 
Lala said:
My oldest friend isn’t with us anymore unfortunately. She was a friend from school days.
My best friend after that I met at 30, am 53 now.
And my latest new best buddy I met 5 years ago.
I have lots of other friends but these are my closest.
I don’t go looking for friends and it takes a lot to lure me in as I like my own time and space. But if I really gel with someone I will make an effort if pushed.

Have a lot of close work friends who I respect and will go for group coffee with at a push 🥹

I think you can meet your dearest friend at any age.
Click to expand...
Thought your latest friend was Denzil or have you got rid of him already.
 
My wife is my best friend . I have plenty of acquaintances. I can go to my local on my own and know there will be someone I know. We never text or phone each other
 
look.its.luke said:
This thread might go down like a lead balloon, but when was the last 'new' friend you made and how/why?

It would be interesting to hear from female posters on this too, but it seems like a particularly male thing to keep lifelong connections with a few mates from school and give up on even the idea of making new friends in our adulthood.

One of our clients at work is a really nice bloke, we share similar interests, have a laugh together...and yet when he suggested meeting up for some food my first thought was...'bit gay'. 🤣

So reassure me AVFTT. Is making new friends as a grown up allowed? How is it done? What are the rules? Or do I have to stick with the 4 or 5 bellends I've known since Year 7?
Click to expand...


 
My wife is my best and closest friend

Mind you, been down to check out a puppy this afternoon, so might be replacing her soon ! 🤣
 
I definitely don’t do holiday friends…my wife last year made the huge error of being lured into a convo with a couple while I was getting drinks….
Feck me what a boring numpty the bloke was he drained the life out of me chatting crap…he then started showing me pictures on his phone of his new resin driveway at his house in Preston..
Well that was it we made excuses sharpish and went to the beach……Preston I tell ya….
 
Curryman said:
My 75 year old self agrees. 51 years of good friendship with the missus.
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We had our 51st in May this year.
However, it's a 2nd marriage for both of us.
We had no children together, but I have a daughter by my 1st wife. 2 Grandsons, & 2 Great Grandsons.
They all treat MrsDP as their family, which is great.
 
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