Panic attacks and anxiety disorders

Jeez have you got all day 🥹

Are you struggling at the mo ?

The first place to start is to try to identify the root cause ? And eliminate as much as you can of the cause ?

www.mindful.org

Getting Started with Mindfulness

Getting Started with Mindfulness You have questions about mindfulness and meditation.Mindful has the answers. What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is the
www.mindful.org www.mindful.org
Mindfulness is the often recommended technique when dealing with anxiety if the triggers are unavoidable. The quicker you can contain the anxiety the less potent and long term it becomes generally.

If you are seriously struggling though, as anxiety and panic attacks can be scary and relentless, then call your gp for a chat maybe.
 
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If you're experiencing such things Graves, the most important thing you must do, is speak to someone who has a good listening ear. Don't let things escalate - there are plenty of organisations out there willing to help.
Lala is right; identify the cause and then talk about it, as the mind exaggerates things and often makes them appear much worse than they actually are.
My simple example: I recently found a 1 inch diam lump in my inner thigh. Do I take no action but get increasingly anxious about it? I see my GP, who says it could be a number of things & refers me to a Consultant. Do I now get anxious? Me and my wife agree - what's the point, as I could be worrying about something I can do nothing about for several weeks. We didn't mention it to our daughters. I put it to the back of my mind the best I could. 4 weeks later, I see the consultant and I have an ultrasound. It turns out to be a harmless Lipoma.
1) Identify the cause 2) Discuss it with a good listener 3) Take action to address the cause 4) Try not to worry about something you cannot change 5) Deal with the outcome
 
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Don’t believe it only happens to you.

Don’t think that you can control everything because you can’t and that does not mean that you are failing somehow.

Take the first step and talk to someone you trust and value early - it will be the most difficult step to take but you will hopefully realise the next steps will be easier.

Try to find balance in all things - sleep, food, drinking, exercise, home, work. It’s not always possible but try your best and realise that is good enough.

Seek professional help early if you start having really dark thoughts about self harm or harming others, excessive drinking or drugs. It will be hard at first, but the first step is always the hardest.

As Lala said - try and identify triggers for these incidents and try and work out where they come from and how you can minimise / remove them.

It may all sound generic - but at it’s most basic level this is a starting point. If you or a family member / friend are experiencing this I hope you can find your way through. It is possible.
 
Andrew_Preview said:
Don’t believe it only happens to you.

Don’t think that you can control everything because you can’t and that does not mean that you are failing somehow.

Take the first step and talk to someone you trust and value early - it will be the most difficult step to take but you will hopefully realise the next steps will be easier.

Try to find balance in all things - sleep, food, drinking, exercise, home, work. It’s not always possible but try your best and realise that is good enough.

Seek professional help early if you start having really dark thoughts about self harm or harming others, excessive drinking or drugs. It will be hard at first, but the first step is always the hardest.

As Lala said - try and identify triggers for these incidents and try and work out where they come from and how you can minimise / remove them.

It may all sound generic - but at it’s most basic level this is a starting point. If you or a family member / friend are experiencing this I hope you can find your way through. It is possible.
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Great advice 👌👍
 
Defo talk to gp. They take mental health very seriously and prioritise out over physical issues in many cases.
Talking about your issues is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.
An alternative is to check out the best of the therapist from After Life - pokes fun at the treatment of depression. I’ve suffered and still find this funny - sometimes you just need to get out of your own head,
 
Dr Hfuhruhurr said:
Defo talk to gp. They take mental health very seriously and prioritise out over physical issues in many cases.
Talking about your issues is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.
An alternative is to check out the best of the therapist from After Life - pokes fun at the treatment of depression. I’ve suffered and still find this funny - sometimes you just need to get out of your own head,
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This!

Absolutely spot on - I know this from personal experience both professionally and personally. We have made big strides in this area and the macho stigma that was attached to these issues is now, thankfully, a thing of the past.
 
I have had a tough time on and off since losing my Mum. You start going through everything. I have realised my family has always had divides. I am the one who has been the victim of it the most. Had a bit of rejection. After eating for the last time in a day, I exercise. That makes me feel proud of myself. At that point, I try not to get into anything that changes my positive mood. Works sometimes.
 
15 years ago I ended up on Prozac or something similar. I couldn’t sleep properly for days. I had previously thought about the stigma associated with anti-depressants and felt uneasy about taking them. My depression was due to a bereavement. They DID work. Seek help. Our greatest asset is the NHS.I was off medication within 3 months.Good luck.
 
Lala said:
Hope you are doing ok Graves.

Always post if you need to, and more importantly seek medical help if you ever feel you aren’t coping.

Things get better, they really do, we are all examples of that ❤️
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Thank you Lala, I appreciate the support.

Also Thanks to everyone for your posts - I’m glad you all have your own ways of dealing with difficult moments.

I am doing much better these last few years thanks to talking therapy, exercise and getting enough sleep for a start. I just wanted to open a discussion on here do anyone going through similar issues. It really is a battle especially when you feel like you’re alone with it.

I had a terrible time with a panic disorder a few years ago when I lost my grandma. I had just finished a very stressful year doing a postgrad and I also had some childhood issues that I never addressed because I thought they were normal.

The hardest thing about all of this is the shame of it, especially if being a man. You can be like an injured bird but no one can see your injury.

To anyone reading this you are not alone and I fully support you, no matter who you and no matter what you are going through. Our mental health is so important, our minds need fresh air and exercise just like our bodies do.

All the best to anyone and message me anytime if you need a friend.
 
This board and some of the posters definitely press a few anxiety and stress buttons.
 
Graves said:
Thank you Lala, I appreciate the support.

Also Thanks to everyone for your posts - I’m glad you all have your own ways of dealing with difficult moments.

I am doing much better these last few years thanks to talking therapy, exercise and getting enough sleep for a start. I just wanted to open a discussion on here do anyone going through similar issues. It really is a battle especially when you feel like you’re alone with it.

I had a terrible time with a panic disorder a few years ago when I lost my grandma. I had just finished a very stressful year doing a postgrad and I also had some childhood issues that I never addressed because I thought they were normal.

The hardest thing about all of this is the shame of it, especially if being a man. You can be like an injured bird but no one can see your injury.

To anyone reading this you are not alone and I fully support you, no matter who you and no matter what you are going through. Our mental health is so important, our minds need fresh air and exercise just like our bodies do.

All the best to anyone and message me anytime if you need a friend.
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I’m glad you’re doing better 👍
There should absolutely be no shame attached, man, woman or tree !

Sometimes people who haven’t experienced it think you can control it in some way , that ‘ pull your socks up ‘ crap. You really can’t when it’s in its full grip so no-one should ever feel ashamed.

It’s the mind and body setting off alarm warnings telling us that all isn’t well, in that respect it’s doing its job and makes us totally normal for it. The key is to listen to the first alarm and act as soon as you possibly can to sort out the problems or the issues driving the anxiety

Anyway , positive vibes to you ❤️👍
 
There’s a lot of it amongst us. And by us, I mean people we know in real life who are diehard Blackpool fans. You might be surprised if you knew who. And the only way to know is listen, look out for signs and see if they want to open up. And very often that means taking the first step by being honest about your own history. Life’s triggers are complex and we all need understanding people around us.
 
Graves said:
Thank you Lala, I appreciate the support.

Also Thanks to everyone for your posts - I’m glad you all have your own ways of dealing with difficult moments.

I am doing much better these last few years thanks to talking therapy, exercise and getting enough sleep for a start. I just wanted to open a discussion on here do anyone going through similar issues. It really is a battle especially when you feel like you’re alone with it.

I had a terrible time with a panic disorder a few years ago when I lost my grandma. I had just finished a very stressful year doing a postgrad and I also had some childhood issues that I never addressed because I thought they were normal.

The hardest thing about all of this is the shame of it, especially if being a man. You can be like an injured bird but no one can see your injury.

To anyone reading this you are not alone and I fully support you, no matter who you and no matter what you are going through. Our mental health is so important, our minds need fresh air and exercise just like our bodies do.

All the best to anyone and message me anytime if you need a friend.
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It’s good to hear you were able to talk.... it’s a massive step and probably the first step is the hardest. I’m in my late 50’s , I thought for years seeking help was weak... I couldn’t have been more wrong... it’s a real sign of strength to admit you’re struggling and I think it helped my daughters seek help much sooner.
My wife has had a tough year, the help she is getting has made an enormous difference to her recovery... still on going.
All of the above is through the NHS during the pandemic... awesome asset to the UK.
 
Newholland said:
It’s good to hear you were able to talk.... it’s a massive step and probably the first step is the hardest. I’m in my late 50’s , I thought for years seeking help was weak... I couldn’t have been more wrong... it’s a real sign of strength to admit you’re struggling and I think it helped my daughters seek help much sooner.
My wife has had a tough year, the help she is getting has made an enormous difference to her recovery... still on going.
All of the above is through the NHS during the pandemic... awesome asset to the UK.
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Seeking help is the number 1 strongest thing to do.
 
Graves said:
Thank you Lala, I appreciate the support.

Also Thanks to everyone for your posts - I’m glad you all have your own ways of dealing with difficult moments.

I am doing much better these last few years thanks to talking therapy, exercise and getting enough sleep for a start. I just wanted to open a discussion on here do anyone going through similar issues. It really is a battle especially when you feel like you’re alone with it.

I had a terrible time with a panic disorder a few years ago when I lost my grandma. I had just finished a very stressful year doing a postgrad and I also had some childhood issues that I never addressed because I thought they were normal.

The hardest thing about all of this is the shame of it, especially if being a man. You can be like an injured bird but no one can see your injury.

To anyone reading this you are not alone and I fully support you, no matter who you and no matter what you are going through. Our mental health is so important, our minds need fresh air and exercise just like our bodies do.

All the best to anyone and message me anytime if you need a friend.
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Obviously, I am not privy to your problems but I do recall the challenges you went through getting out of Russia and returning home.
There are plenty of decent people on avftt who will offer good advice and “be on your side”.
I hope you and your good lady have found employment, the children are settled in school and, I’d trust your extended family are also helping.
Talking is the first step to getting help. I wish you all the best.
 
Dark_Side_of_the_Lune said:
🍊There’s a lot of it amongst us. And by us, I mean people we know in real life who are diehard Blackpool fans. You might be surprised if you knew who. And the only way to know is listen, look out for signs and see if they want to open up. And very often that means taking the first step by being honest about your own history. Life’s triggers are complex and we all need understanding people around us.
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Completely agree. I get the feeling you can be having a good chat to someone on a matchday, discussing how crap we were in the first half and why we can’t score etc etc while beneath the surface you could reach out and tell them how football is a very helpful distraction for inner existential dread!
 
Stony Hill said:
Obviously, I am not privy to your problems but I do recall the challenges you went through getting out of Russia and returning home.
There are plenty of decent people on avftt who will offer good advice and “be on your side”.
I hope you and your good lady have found employment, the children are settled in school and, I’d trust your extended family are also helping.
Talking is the first step to getting help. I wish you all the best.
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Cheers Stony Hill. We did indeed leave Russia and it still hurts everyday but we are luckily in a safe place. Some others who I know are not quite so lucky and have either been drafted or have had to leave and start again.
 
This time last summer was a very tough time for me. Fortunately, with medication and some therapy I am so much happier and able to enjoy life again.

There is a lot of advice available on YouTube and I have watched a lot of it. For me, Tim Box is the best. He's actually become a bit of a hero to me. Lovely lad. Fantastic advice.

Tim Box Mind Coach
 
If you can keep yourself safe book appointment with GP but that could take some time
If you want to speak with somebody today call IRS (, initial response service) on 08009530110 - this a nhs mental health service
You will be assessed and sign posted to the appropriate service

Caveat this is for people who live in Lancashire only

If you do nothing ,nothing will change

Good luck and you will bo OK
 
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Sometimes, it’s not always possible to identify a cause for your anxiety. I suffered with it for a couple of years or so about 8 years ago and yet I didn’t really have anything to worry about. It’s a horrible overwhelming feeling of doom and being out of control. Mine passed eventually, thankfully and I’m back to ‘normal.’ Whatever that is…
 
I would always have said I was fine, and was the one who supported others when they had issues.

A few years ago, I became aware that, on my own, I spent way too much time dwelling on my past, mistakes made and experiences which still rankled. I have never talked about it in any depth, though my wife has strong views about my upbringing.

Last summer, at a family wedding, with my brother and his wife, his wife said something about about how we were raised that I had never heard my brother say, and I started to wonder whether it wasn't just me. We talked for hours, really unusual.

A few months ago, sitting blethering with my son and DiL, the subject again came up, and I opened up in a way I had never done. Interestingly, her Dad had had a very similar experience, to which he only talked to her, as his siblings had very different memories.

It occurred to me yesterday, having talked about it to them, I have unconsciously started telling myself when thinking back, future, not past, changing how I'm programmed. Hope I can keep it up, I feel better about life, probs having a beautiful grand daughter helps 😍

What Lala says about "toughen up", etc also resonates. Oddly enough, someone who I supported through depression, self harm and a really shxt time, says it about others, can't get my head round that!!

This site is brilliant, there is instant support from the Tangerine Family if anyone is in bother, always there for a bit of informal talking therapy.

Finally, nothing better to support your MH than exercise, have been known to walk miles rather than sit feeling sorry for myself
 
Tangerinemoss said:
I would always have said I was fine, and was the one who supported others when they had issues.

A few years ago, I became aware that, on my own, I spent way too much time dwelling on my past, mistakes made and experiences which still rankled. I have never talked about it in any depth, though my wife has strong views about my upbringing.

Last summer, at a family wedding, with my brother and his wife, his wife said something about about how we were raised that I had never heard my brother say, and I started to wonder whether it wasn't just me. We talked for hours, really unusual.

A few months ago, sitting blethering with my son and DiL, the subject again came up, and I opened up in a way I had never done. Interestingly, her Dad had had a very similar experience, to which he only talked to her, as his siblings had very different memories.

It occurred to me yesterday, having talked about it to them, I have unconsciously started telling myself when thinking back, future, not past, changing how I'm programmed. Hope I can keep it up, I feel better about life, probs having a beautiful grand daughter helps 😍

What Lala says about "toughen up", etc also resonates. Oddly enough, someone who I supported through depression, self harm and a really shxt time, says it about others, can't get my head round that!!

This site is brilliant, there is instant support from the Tangerine Family if anyone is in bother, always there for a bit of informal talking therapy.

Finally, nothing better to support your MH than exercise, have been known to walk miles rather than sit feeling sorry for myself
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Forward thinking and not past is massively positive. I try not to think backwards these days and it definitely helps. Getting stuck in ruminating negatively is a killer.
Embracing the future and making it how I want it to be is all important to me now 👌 I rarely do things I don’t want to do, except favours for family and those close. After that I live life totally on my terms and it’s bloody great 🥳

Taking as much control of your own life as you can is worth it’s weight in gold, but not fighting to control the things you can’t 👍
 
Lala said:
That would make mine a million times worse. I’m just about ok with a decaf Costa 🥹
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It might…I’m not great with Coffee even now…, but it’s quite surprising how it enables you to de-programme certain repetitive thought processes.
 
Graves said:
Anyone want to open up to their fellow tangerines and share their experience of this/advice/support?
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I think it's great that this thread exists. 20 years ago it wouldn't have. Maybe even 10 years ago. To see so many people opening up and sharing their experiences, its fantastic. It can only be a good thing.
 
Graves, you are far far from alone mate.

As Lala said can you identify the thing(s) that are stressing you? With me it was work for a spell. I couldn’t eliminate that at the time BUT I knew it was just that and nothing else in my life so even that knowledge helped me.

If you can identify the factors/ situations that make you feel bad that’s a starting point

I’m no professional mate but what I do know is that it needn’t be a permanent state
 
Bloodtangerine said:
Graves, you are far far from alone mate.

As Lala said can you identify the thing(s) that are stressing you? With me it was work for a spell. I couldn’t eliminate that at the time BUT I knew it was just that and nothing else in my life so even that knowledge helped me.

If you can identify the factors/ situations that make you feel bad that’s a starting point

I’m no professional mate but what I do know is that it needn’t be a permanent state
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I think the knowledge about the ‘permanent state ‘ is crucial.

The two people I know who took their own lives, my dad, and my best friend, both got to 51 without any mental health issues.
I believe that made it harder for them to deal with as they had no prior experience. In turn that also meant they had no belief that it wasn’t a permanent state and it would pass if you hung on tight and did all you could to get through it. Neither made 52 😳
It really can get better, it really can pass, but sometimes it really is the fight of your life.
You have to believe it will pass in your darkest and most stressful days. Then it has a chance to.
 
Lala said:
I think the knowledge about the ‘permanent state ‘ is crucial.

The two people I know who took their own lives, my dad, and my best friend, both got to 51 without any mental health issues.
I believe that made it harder for them to deal with as they had no prior experience. In turn that also meant they had no belief that it wasn’t a permanent state and it would pass if you hung on tight and did all you could to get through it. Neither made 52 😳
It really can get better, it really can pass, but sometimes it really is the fight of your life.
You have to believe it will pass in your darkest and most stressful days. Then it has a chance to.
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Gosh Lala, I’m truly sorry to read about your father and best friend - two such important people in your life - what a shock it must have been for you.

You’re right though, to highlight how transient these feelings can be, indeed as poster’s experiences on here appear to prove testament to that.
 
TotallyTangerine said:
Gosh Lala, I’m truly sorry to read about your father and best friend - two such important people in your life - what a shock it must have been for you.

You’re right though, to highlight how transient these feelings can be, indeed as poster’s experiences on here appear to prove testament to that.
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Transient is indeed a great way of describing how these feelings usually are. And keeping hold of that thought is paramount ❤️
 
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
 
Malced said:
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
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That‘s a great post Malced and I’m glad you‘re much better now.

I concur with pretty much all of it 👍
 
Malced said:
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
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Very good post and that's often how it happens
You actually describe a well known model for formulating mental health issues which was developed in 1977 " the stress vulnerability model" .The tipping point or trigger can be something which,alone , does not appear so devastating but as you said if the glass is full to the brim ...which is why I believe anybody can experience a mental health breakdown if they have too much stress .I would add its not only adverse life events fill the bucket , alcoholism, drug addiction and poverty are insidious

Anyway glad you recovered and are in a position to write the above
 
Malced said:
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
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What a gentleman (or lady) you are for sharing your personal experiences with us and opening up. I really understand what you went through, particularly with the pressure that came from your job.

I’ve been in that dark place, a glass that is too full and needs to tip out in a healthy way... basically stepping with one foot into a train station and then stepping out with the other. Missing 3 trains in a row to a meeting or even a night out and then going home feeling like a complete loser. Too anxious of the next panic attack which my mind would tell me would always come and be more unbearable than the last.
That’s the trick to it all- anxiety makes you feel weird but doesn’t really harm you the way your mind makes you believe it will.

It there’s something on your mind - talk to someone you trust.
 
Malced said:
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
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That is similar to my experience quite a a few years back in many ways Malced
 
Malced said:
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
Click to expand...
A marvellous post fella, one of the bravest and most honest I've seen on here.

It's often those who have never had any anxiety issues before that it hits hardest, you don't see it coming and can't spot the signs, I'm always wary of the feeling and can pull back these days, acknowledging the issue is hugely important.

These days I like to think of the warnings signs as just that, a warning, a sort of 'whoa there sunshine, you need to sort this out quickly', it's a mental reset in a way, but that first time hits you like a truck.
 
Lytham_fy8 said:
A marvellous post fella, one of the bravest and most honest I've seen on here.

It's often those who have never had any anxiety issues before that it hits hardest, you don't see it coming and can't spot the signs, I'm always wary of the feeling and can pull back these days, acknowledging the issue is hugely important.

These days I like to think of the warnings signs as just that, a warning, a sort of 'whoa there sunshine, you need to sort this out quickly', it's a mental reset in a way, but that first time hits you like a truck.
Click to expand...
Another great post. I think sharing these experiences is so helpful for all of us. It’s so reassuring to know how normal it is to struggle in this way.
Yes, recognising those first signs and taking action is so so important ❤️
 
Malced said:
When I first managed a large team of staff about 20 years ago, I had a guy come to see me complaining of panic attacks. He said he had lots of worries at home etc. I didn’t have a clue what he was suffering and thought he may have been trying to get time off from work. Anyway, I was sympathetic in my actions and I made allowances, but deep down I didn’t believe him nor did I really understand what he was describing.

Many years later after my dad died and after the murder of my 16 year old nephew, I suddenly discovered what he had been experiencing. I was senior manager with an incredibly pressured job. I had always been able to cope with the pressure but somehow I started to crumble. I couldn’t face meetings. I couldn’t do presentations. I would be terrified if an invite dropped into my work calendar for me to attend a board meeting and give an update or to go and do a talk at a conference. I was terrified and running scared. I did what I could to avoid these events. I would decline the invites. I would ask junior managers to go and sell it to them as a ‘developmental’ opportunity. I would create an image of being too busy and too important to attend such things as I was always needed elsewhere. But this was an illusion. In reality I was terrified. I once sat in Macdonalds near Preston en route to the office. I couldn’t face going into work merely cos I had a team meeting. I shrank into a shell and didn’t want to come out. I become a loner and felt incredibly down and low. I was married at the time and had tried to tell my wife. But she replied with something harsh such as ‘don’t be pathetic’ and we’ve got enough problems ‘without you going off the rails’. 🤷‍♂️
So I had no one to talk to or so it seemed. I never sought any medical help. I don’t take drugs and would t have taken any even if prescribed. So for maybe a couple of years I lived a lie trying to be a high flying project manager but knowing my own fragility and my own inner turmoil. It was a living hell.

Many years later I’m much better. The main way I got better was quite drastic. I quit my job. I gave up the big salary. It was the job which had been where I experienced the panic attacks whether or not that was the direct cause. So that’s what I gave up. I have to say it was a life changing decision because it meant a large part of the daily pressure suddenly was removed. Hence I have never had panic attacks since. I believe there’s a tipping point for everyone. It’s a bit like a large glass of water which in normal times is half or three quarters full - but when you have too many work and home pressures they turn into unmanageable stress and the glass overflows and the panic attacks start.

I would say to anyone suffering that they should share their problem with someone who will listen. Ideally a manager or a close family member or friend. Too many GPs will merely prescribe an antidepressant. That’s why there’s many millions on the damn things in this country. But these drugs don’t address the cause. There’s long waiting lists for counselling or cognital behavioural therapy. So the best and most immediate forms of self help are to talk things over with someone caring.
Try to identify the root causes and see if you can address any of them so bit by bit your water (stress) level lowers and you don’t teach the overflow point again. There’s not always a quick or dramatic solution such as the one I found. So be prepared for the long haul. Talk more. Be honest with yourself and others. Find your coping mechanism. Know your limitations. Say no if you have to and put yourself first because if you don’t you won’t be there for anyone else in any case.
Click to expand...
A heartfelt post which has obviously touched a nerve with people and highlights that outward appearances can often be just a glossy veneer.

I’m so sorry to read of your nephew’s death and the fact that your wife didn’t support you when you needed her. Glad to hear that you’re much better now though 🧡
 
Agree with everything that’s been said. Share your thoughts and ‘fears’ with whoever you feel comfortable sharing with. On here, a mate, a phone line or whatever. But also get professional help as that’s what they’re there for.

I can certainly say that I’ve suffered in the past and probably will again, but the one thing I’ve learned is that just telling someone/anyone about what’s bothering you can immediately lift the anxiety. A problem shared and all that.

I’ve also realised that we all go through similar emotions around feeling scared about life, work, relationships with friends, family and loved ones. It’s amazing how others also get relief from understanding someone else is going through the same issues as themselves. Then you can work together and help each other.

Best of luck to you and anyone else suffering. Always available on a PM if anyone wanted to share. Will never judge.
 
straightatthewall said:
Agree with everything that’s been said. Share your thoughts and ‘fears’ with whoever you feel comfortable sharing with. On here, a mate, a phone line or whatever. But also get professional help as that’s what they’re there for.

I can certainly say that I’ve suffered in the past and probably will again, but the one thing I’ve learned is that just telling someone/anyone about what’s bothering you can immediately lift the anxiety. A problem shared and all that.

I’ve also realised that we all go through similar emotions around feeling scared about life, work, relationships with friends, family and loved ones. It’s amazing how others also get relief from understanding someone else is going through the same issues as themselves. Then you can work together and help each other.

Best of luck to you and anyone else suffering. Always available on a PM if anyone wanted to share. Will never judge.
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That Mozalini helped me quite a lot back in the day 👍
 
Graves said:
Cheers Stony Hill. We did indeed leave Russia and it still hurts everyday but we are luckily in a safe place. Some others who I know are not quite so lucky and have either been drafted or have had to leave and start again.
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Hi Graves, I just noticed that you liked my post. I hope you and your family are enjoying life in Athens, I bet it’s hot though! I’m rather intrigued to know if you speak Greek?
 
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